This Isn't Easy

It's been awhile since we've last blogged; it's almost impossible to find even a moment to sit down and write. Packing up our home was an adventure in itself. How many times have you pulled out that random item from a drawer and said, "What does that go to?" If you're like me, the immediate answer would be, "I'll figure it out later," and then you throw it back in. Well, later finally came and our choices were to figure it out, give it away or determine if it was useless and throw it away. Sadly, some items didn't make it into storage.

On our last day in the house, Peter had to go fly a trip and I had to do a walk-through with the new owner. Our friend and realtor came to help me and upon realizing I had a few last minute items to get out of the garage and attic, he offered to lend a hand. As I'm up in the attic, I called down, "Hey Derrek! Grab this bumper will you!" Yes, we actually had a Mazda Miata bumper in our attic. I still don't know why, that's only a question Peter can answer. We had a few odd items to say the least.

But our house sold, we moved all the items we were keeping into storage for the shipping container and took just the basics to our new home, the Bell's house. What a blessing they have been! Offering to take us in as we weren't even sure where we were going to go while we tried to wrap up fundraising. Living now in a house of 8 can seem a bit hectic, but their willingness to accept us into their home has made the first of many transitions into the life of missionaries quite easy to tell the truth.

Whoa!!! Isn't the title to this blog "This Isn't Easy"? You are probably thinking that selling your home, moving in with friends and trying to morph into this missionary family is anything but easy. You're right, but you're wrong.

We've actually been finding out that those were the easy parts. It wasn't fun selling our house, but compared to now, that was a cake walk. We have this giant gorilla in the room every time we talk to dearly loved ones in our family. It's becoming difficult. We all know we are on the cusp of departing and the final step is attaining just "enough" funds to have our basic needs met in Zambia.

It's so hard to even begin to express this gorilla that likes to sit at our table. Some of us in the family are able to talk about it better than others, but for the most part it's that unbearable silence where no one knows what to say.

These last few weeks, I have been reminded in either the girl's Bible curriculum or in my own devotionals about Abraham and Moses. I don't know about you, but when I look at our patriarchs, they enter onto a pedestal so high that I forget they were human. Thankfully, the Lord has reminded me over the last few weeks that they are not superhuman after all.

I've found myself wondering what it must have felt like when Abraham was asked to leave his home and extended family and go to a land that he didn't know. How did he say goodbye to his parents or any siblings he had? Did they think he was crazy for following God in such a way that they couldn't comprehend?

Or Moses, he sees the burning bush that doesn't burn and then it talks to him. Once he hears that God is asking him to go back to Egypt, he doesn't jump up and down and say "awesome!" but he argues with God. Now that's me! I'm thankful to know that there are people in the Bible that have to be told multiple times to do something and still they wrestle with the way God wants them to do it. It gives me peace to know that I'm not the only stubborn person in this world.

We saw our oldest daughter, Danielle, this past weekend. When we drove up to Missouri for our visit, there was already a stress in the car. It was not going to be a fun visit; the gorilla was there the whole time. If you have older children that have moved out of the house, you may still have a few of their items in your home. We definitely did and it was time to hand them over. It was fun for her to see many of her old items again and watch her walk out in her monkey slippers; but the reason she had to receive them was not the highlight of our weekend.

Some days we just want to shout, "This wasn't our plans!" Ours were very different and as we are watching tears flow from not only their eyes but our own, all we can say is this isn't easy.... part of you just wants to find a way to make it stop; but then...I am reminded of Moses. (Didn't see that coming, did you?)

My favorite part of the argument as to whether Moses should go to Egypt and confront Pharaoh or not is when he says, "Who am I that I should go?" and God's response is simple, "But I will be with you." That hits me each time I've read it this week. In the moments that my heart has hurt over talking to family and feeling their pain, to hugging my oldest daughter this weekend and not wanting to let go, there has been a peace of the Lord throughout. We have ultimately relied on him to carry us through this. We couldn't have done this any other way.

As we all have this gorilla in our room right now, we are falling upon our Lord and calling out to him for peace. He is such a gracious God for he has provided that gentle whisper each time: "I am with you." And that will be what continues to bring us through these next few months as it will continue to not be easy.

Danielle (center) with Alyson (left) and Brittan (right)

Mother and Daughter